


Piercing the Veil

by TammyRenH



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: samdean_otp, Multi, Sam/Dean - Freeform, Season 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2528786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TammyRenH/pseuds/TammyRenH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is set in mid-to-late season 9 where everything happened except for the Mark of Cain.  Sam and Dean are not in a good place relationship wise.  Sam begins hearing voices that keep him from sleeping.  Sam has the mystery of the voices to solve and Dean has the mystery of figuring out what is going on with his uncooperative younger brother.  Along the way Jessica and Cas lend a helping hand as well as a mystery "guest".  There is a separation, a reunion, a riddle, a veil, and more than one major decision to be made as Sam and Dean travel divergent paths that will either bring them together or bring an end to the Sam/Dean story forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Piercing the Veil

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks for story_monger for being an awesome beta (any mistakes, inconsistencies or boring parts are strictly my own) and to miss_melissa17 for the perfect and beautiful art work!

 

 

****

 

 

 

 

**Sam**

It started out with whispers.

The first time he heard it, it was early, early morning.  He had been asleep, and then all at once he wasn’t.  His hand instinctively clasped the gun under his pillow, and he left it there as he forced himself to remain perfectly still.  He kept his eyes closed and his body ready and he listened.  And heard nothing.  Just as he was about to relax, to let himself drift back to sleep, he heard it again.  Murmurs coming from nowhere and everywhere.  Low, intense whispers.

Sam turned on the light by his bed and blinked a few times as the shadows faded and the room became light.   He saw nothing there, nothing out of the ordinary anyway.  Not anything under his bed, in the closet, in the hallway, in Dean’s room (the room was empty, the bed unslept in), in the kitchen, bathroom, war room (there was Dean, his head on the table fast asleep, his hand still holding onto the shot glass). Nothing amiss and no sounds other than the ones he made.  Sam was just about to reach out and tap Dean on the shoulder when Sam woke up – in his own bed, in his own room. 

He must have dreamt the getting up and going from room to room, but it was the most real dream he had ever had.  He could still smell the stale whiskey scent clinging to his brother.

Over three cups of very strong and very caffeinated coffee, Sam thought it over and decided not to tell Dean.  There wasn’t anything to tell anyway, and it wasn’t like he and Dean were communicating much these days.   A few grunts here, an icy stare there and a few mumbled words at breakfast.  Mainly they were just sharing the same space, going through the motions. The act of communicating – which, let’s face it, wasn’t either one of their strong suits - and since Kevin died and all that crap with Gadreel, well...

‘Sides it was probably nothing.  Just his overactive imagination running away with him.

But it happened the next night. And the night after that. If his overactive imagination was any gauge, the murmurs were getting louder, whispers that were clearly words but he still couldn’t make them out. The false awakenings kept happening; he would wake and be sure he was awake but then would wake up a second time, for real, still in his bed with the lights out and the whispers gone.  It reminded Sam of the period in his life when he had trouble telling the difference between what was real and what was not, and that was not a place Sam wanted to return to.

So, research.  Research was always so soothing to Sam.  It was something real and concrete in the very surreal world he lived in.  Sam loved research just as much as Dean loathed it. With the rift between him and his brother getting larger every day, and no active cases to occupy his mind, Sam threw his whole being into research.

Whispers in an empty room probably meant ghosts.  Ghosts would be good; ghosts he could handle.  But to send the spirit on its merry way to wherever, Sam would have to find out which body the ghost (ghosts?) belonged to, and that proved to be a near impossible task.  Besides all the Men of Letters that Abaddon killed on her rampage, there were a series of other deaths in the bunker ranging from men dying of natural causes such as heart attacks to accidental deaths like when a particularly bright Man of Letters decided to mix hydrogen peroxide and sulfuric acid, which caused an explosion that killed three people, to the suicide of a 25 year old Man of Letters whose fiancé had left him for another woman.  Sam poured through diaries and chronicles and read textbook cases that were so detailed that even Sam found them boring, but nothing that could definitively pinpoint who the ghosts in his room could be.

Of course, the voices might not belong to ghosts. An almost endless possibility of creatures existed that could not be seen by the naked eye, or could only be seen if the creature wanted you to see them. Witches were another possibility, anytime anything this off-kilter was happening, they definitely had to be considered.  But the bunker was guarded; nothing should be able to get in or out without his or Dean’s knowledge and consent. Which lead Sam back to his original theory.  He probably was just losing his mind.  Again.

Every night it took Sam a little while longer to fall asleep, and every night he woke up twice.   The lack of sleep and the mystery he could not solve put Sam on edge, and he was well aware that he was even harder to live with than usual.  So he grumbled, and Dean glared, and a week passed, and Sam felt like he was no closer to solving the mystery of the whispers than when it had all started.

**Dean**

Something was up with Sam.   Something more than him being pissed, something that was creating dark circles under his brother’s eyes and causing Sam to be even more than a pain in the ass that he usually was.

Dean almost asked Sam about it a dozen times, but Sam made it abundantly clear he wasn’t in a sharing mood.  So Dean tried to busy himself with other things. He spent most of his days endlessly searching the web for possible cases and most (well actually all) nights drinking until he passed out.  He really wanted to find a case; he was climbing the walls, and when he and Sam worked together – it was just better somehow.  There were always a few small precious moments when they were almost brothers again, and then Sam would freeze him out and they’d be back to “just the facts ma’am.”

Dean’s skin was crawling; he had to get out of this frigid place into somewhere warmer. Maybe he should call Cas, see what was going on in angel central, maybe drive out there for a few days.  Dean finished his beer and immediately popped open another one.  Hell, if it was him skulking around with a chip on his shoulder and his voice permanently on mute, Sam would be all over him, badgering him to open up and going on and on (and on) about feelings and sharing and all that crap.

They had been mad at each other before, sure, furious even.  But they got passed it (if getting passed it meant the same as sweeping it under the rug and never mentioning it again).  They’d get past it this time too, if Dean had to shoot rocks into Sam’s hard head to make it happen. Dean made up his mind, he was going to find his brother and they were going to talk.  And he really didn’t give a damn if Sam wanted to or not.

**Sam**

On Tuesday, after fewer than 3 hours of sleep, Sam was sipping his coffee and skimming through yet another Men of Letters book when Dean came blustering in.

“Okay, enough of whatever this is.”  Dean announced as he shut the door behind him. “Put the damn book down and talk to me.”

Yeah right, that wasn’t going to happen.  Sam ignored his brother, and with utmost concentration kept reading his book.

Dean sat his beer on the table with a loud thump.  Sam didn’t even look up; he just turned the page and kept on reading.

Dean grabbed the book from Sam and read the title out loud.  “ _Paul Robert Crawford, Man of Letters. My life, my studies and my research 1910-1938_ ”.   Wow, fascinating.  I can see now why you can’t squeeze in the time to clue your brother in to what the fuck is going on with you.”

Sam knew why Dean was angry.  He knew the anger was masking Dean’s concern for him.  He knew Dean needed to help him.  And yet, his only response was to make a grab for the book.

“Okay, I’ve had it up to here with you.”  Dean said as he threw the book into the corner.  “I have the right to know what is going on in my own home with my own brother.  So stop sulking and start talking.”

Sam felt that old familiar flash of anger popping out.  “Really?  You have the right – “Sam stood up, face to face with his big brother.  “Like I had the right to know what was happening to my own body?  Like I had the right to decide if I lived or if I died?”

“So it’s just that –“Dean waved his hand dismissively – “crap?  C’mon Sam, it’s been months.  I think I’ve been in the doghouse long enough”

Every time that Sam thought he could get past it, every time that his heart began to soften toward his brother and he thought he could find a way to forgive him, Dean made a comment that seem to dismiss Sam’s feelings as that of a spoiled child and Sam could feel his defenses building up again. 

Sam closed his eyes for a few seconds and forced himself to get calm.

“There is nothing to talk about, there is nothing going on with me. Other than your garden variety insomnia, I am fine,” was all he said to Dean as he walked over and picked up his book.

“Fine,” Dean echoed.  “Great.  You know Sam, someday I hope you write your own ‘My Life’ book and I get to read it because maybe then I could finally learn something about the man I have been living with for the past 10 years.”

And with that comment, Dean left the room, taking care to slam the door behind him.

That night when the whispers started, Sam got out of bed, closed his eyes, and stood in the center of the room.  He didn’t move a muscle, didn’t even breathe, he poured all his energy into listening.

Yes, they were voices.  Human voices and more than one, more than ten or even a hundred, just a wall of voices, male and female, young and old.  The voices were still too faint to pick up actual words, but he could swear they were close to him, within touching distance. The voices sounded like they were muted, like they were coming from another room or through some kind of barrier.

Sam opened his eyes.  The room was dark and it took a few moments for his eyes to adjust.  But somewhere in front of him, something – shimmered.  He took a few steps closer and could see nothing but no – there it was again. It was as if the wind was blowing an invisible curtain, but there was no wind and no curtain.  He reached out and touched something solid, something that felt smooth and instinctively he drew his hand back and with his other hand switched on his bedroom light.  There was nothing there, nothing shimmering and he could feel nothing when he reached his hand out again.

Maybe it was time he told Dean.

The next morning Sam searched for Dean, but all he found was a note left for him on the kitchen table.

“Cas called.  Be back in a few days.”  

Well awesome, Sam was dealing with heaven knows what and Dean was off being best buddies with Cas.  That was fine, that was cool, let Cas and Dean have their playtime, and Sam would just figure this out on his own.

It was times like these that he missed Bobby, missed him so much it was an actual physical ache.  Bobby would have known what it was and what to do or he would at the very least known someone who knew somebody that knew a little something about what Sam was dealing with. Bobby would have told him in that calm soothing way of his that everything would be okay, that they would figure it out.   Of course if Bobby were still alive, he would probably bang Sam and Dean’s heads together until he finally knocked some sense into them.  They could probably both use a bit of Bobby’s no nonsense approach to parenting right about now.

But Bobby was gone and wishing wasn’t going to bring him back.  Charlie would help with the research, but Charlie was off on her fantasy quest.  Garth was out of commission.  And Kevin was dead of course –




Kevin, stuck in the Veil with all the other souls that had been expelled from heaven and had nowhere to go.

God, he was an idiot.  The Veil.  That’s where the voices he heard came from; that was the shimmering.  It was the Veil; something was trying to reach out to him, just like Kevin had.  Maybe somebody he knew was trying to reach him, maybe even Bobby.

Sam went through the vast library, grabbing at any books with “veil” in the title or anything about ghosts or spirits.   He had never researched how to bring them in, since his whole life had been about sending them out so this was new territory for him.

He put all the books in a box, carried them to his bedroom and began to read.

**Dean**

It must have been the twelfth time he checked his phone during that long night drive.  But, yet again, there was nothing from Sam – not a missed call or a voice mail or even a text asking where the hell he was and why he had left without saying anything.  Just silence.  The same awful aching silence that had permeated the bunker and somehow had followed him on to his trip.

Dean turned the volume of the radio as loud as it could go and the sounds of Van Morrison the car.  It was a good night for Van Morrison.  

Dean forced his thoughts away from his baby brother and to his best friend.  The angel grace thing was troubling, and not exactly a problem Dean was equipped to deal with.  If Cas’ grace totally faded –

Well no, he wasn’t prepared to let his thoughts follow that direction.  Maybe it wasn’t a Van Morrison night after all. Dean reached inside Baby’s glove box and pulled out a Black Sabbath tape and pushed it in, the sound so loud he could feel the car shake.  There was no room for thoughts, just the loud blast of perfect raucous rock.  That was better.  Much, much better.

Sam

Somewhere around 1:30 a.m., after 5 straight hours of reading, Sam put down the book he was holding about death and the afterlife.  He had found a few interesting theories but nothing concrete that would help. It finally occurred to his overly tired brain that this was something Cas might actually be able to assist him with.  He decided to call Dean first thing in the morning, fill him in and hopefully get Cas on board. 

Sam could barely keep his eyes open as he shoved the books off his pillow and collapsed fully clothed face down on his bed.  Just a few hours of sleep and he’d call them first thing in the morning…

The voices woke him up of course.  They sounded closer somehow and more urgent but the words were still indistinct.  Sam sat up in bed and saw his whole room was shimmering, not just a part of it.  He scooted to the very edge of the bed and reached out his hand.  Something grabbed the tips of his fingers, tugging at him. 

Torn between excitement and fear, Sam stood up and reached both hands out, blindly grabbing for the hand that had tugged at his fingers.  For the first few moments he felt nothing, and just as he was about to turn on the light something grabbed his wrists.  Sam tugged, but other unseen hands grabbed his upper arm, his shoulder and for a moment Sam stood off balance and the next he was being pulled into what was now a hazy mist.

Sam blinked but he could see nothing but fuzzy images and what looked like a really dense fog.   He turned back toward his bed and was stunned to see his body, lying face down on the bed, not moving.  Sam held out his hand in front of his eyes, looked down at his legs, his feet.  Yes, he was there.  His body was here, wherever here was.  But his body was there too, lying still and lifeless on the bed.

Sam tried to move toward the bed, but something kept him in. It was nothing he could see or feel, but it was there nonetheless.  Sam began to feel the beginnings of panic when someone threw themselves at him, their arms around his neck, and their lips close to his ears.

“I did it! I did it Sam!  You’re finally here!”

It had been 10 years. 10 long years, but Sam would recognize that voice anywhere.  He pulled her head back and looked into her eyes.  “Jessica?” he asked.

**Dean**

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you are asking me to do,” Dean sighed wearily.  He had driven almost 10 hours straight to reach Cas in his headquarters.  It was early morning, but he knew Cas would be waiting for him when he got there.   They had an appointment after all.

Cas spoke slowly, and enunciated each word distinctly as if he thought that would help Dean understand him better.  “Metatron has hidden all the doors to Heaven.  We have to find one to get back home.  Unless we do, all the angels are stuck here, maybe forever.”

“Okay, that is a very sad story,” Dean replied, wishing he had thought to bring his little green cooler in with him.   This was sounding like a conversation that alcohol would help, but for now he would have to settle for coffee.  “But opening heaven’s door is a little above my pay grade.”

“Mine too, at the moment.”  Cas said referring to his fading grace.  “But we have Metatron and Metatron knows where the door is.”

“So talk to Metatron.”  Dean sat in the chair across from Cas, putting one foot and then the other on top of the desk and leaning back in the chair.  “Forcibly if needed.”

“We have.  Forcibly.”  Cas echoed.  “We have angels that are singularly suited for that type of thing and they are strong.  But Metatron’s will is stronger.”

“Okay if you are going to ask me what I think you are going to ask me, count me out” Dean let his feet hit the ground with a resounding thud.  “I am not your go-to torture guy. Trust me, now isn’t the time for me to tap into my dark places.”

“No, no, no.”  Cas’ words almost stumbled over themselves as he tried to reassure Dean. “I would never put you in that position again.  Besides there is nothing you could do to Metatron that we haven’t tried.”

Dean settled into the chair again.  “And again I say, I don’t know what it is you are asking me to do.”

“It’s about this.”  Cas reached into the desk drawer and handed Dean a wrinkled piece of paper.

“What is it?”  Dean asked as he took it from Cas.

“A riddle.  According to Metatron, the riddle will lead us to Heaven’s door.  If we can find the door, we can find our way home.”

“I heard about Metatron’s riddles from Sam,” Dean replied as he looked over the paper.  It was a poem, written with what looked to be the same type of old typewriter his Dad had used.  “In his words, they were lame.  You have what – 100 angels here.  Surely the heavenly hosts could solve something as simple as a riddle.”

“We’ve tried, but our minds don’t really work that way.  Well obviously Metatron’s does but the rest of us…”  Cas’ voice trailed off.  “It’s just we are more linear thinkers while riddles require more of an askew way of thinking.  Which is why I thought of you.”

“So you want me for my mind huh?”  Dean asked. For the first time that day, hell that week, Dean smiled.  “That’s a new one.”

“Dean – “

“Okay, all right.  Let’s check it out.”   Dean smoothed out the wrinkles as best as he could and read out loud:

_Some get lost in me, some are found_

_At times I am free and others I am bound_

_Broken dreams, love renewed, mysteries untold_

_Where ever people go, I can be found, and given, and sold_

_Every day, everywhere, in every voice I abide_

_The secret is in the poem, let words be your guide_

_And easily as one follows two and three precedes four_

_Only they who search the words will find the clue to Heaven’s door_

**Sam**

“Jess?”  Sam asked as Jess’s features went from a soft blur into sharper focus.  “How is this even possible?”

“I did it!”  Jess looked at Sam happily.  “Or rather we did it. “  Jess looked around; shadowy figures stood everywhere but evidently not the one she was looking for.  “He was right here.”

“Who was?  What’s going on Jess?  Why am I here?”  Sam asked, the questions tumbling one after the other.

“I don’t know his name.  I asked him but he said names didn’t matter around here and I guess that’s true.”  Jess’s frown was quickly replaced by that smile that Sam remembered so well.  “It doesn’t matter, we got you in, and that’s the important thing.”

“In – the Veil right?”  Sam was aware of more and more figures taking shape; the space he was in was also steadily expanding.  On the other hand, his room in the bunker was beginning to shrink and fade.  “I don’t understand, am I dead?”

“No, no I don’t think so.”  Jessica looked past Sam into his ever-fading room where his body was still visible on the bed.  “Not yet anyway.”

Sam looked at his too-still body and then back at his hands, his feet.  It wasn’t possible that he could be two places at once and still be alive was it?  “Is this another one of those strange dreams I’ve been having?”

“No. I mean you were, until we pulled you in.  I found it was easier to reach out to you when you were sleeping, the conscious vs. subconscious and all that.  But this is very real.  I am real.”  Jessica touched his face.  “And so are you.”

“But how I be in two places at once?”  Sam asked.

“It’s – I don’t know how to explain it.  It’s the same in heaven, I mean my body is rotting away in a grave but – here I am.  And I’m just as real as you are.  Whoever you were in Earth, you appear to everyone else in Heaven or in here.  Trust me.  I know many people that tried to turn themselves into Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, it never works.”

Okay, that made sense.  The last time he and Dean had been in Heaven, the one time he remembered anyway, he had been him and Dean had looked just like Dean. 

But it didn’t answer the big question, “Why am I here?”

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” Jess asked, sounding worried.

“Yes.  God, of course, yes,” Sam replied, wrapping his arms around Jess and bringing her closer.  Heavens, she even smelled the same.  How was that possible?  “There hasn’t been a day in the last 10 years that I haven’t thought about you, haven’t missed you.”

Jess’s face lit up.  “Me too.  Even in heaven, you were all I could think about.  I had everything there I could possibly ever want, except that one thing I wanted more than anything.  You.”

Sam’s mind was a whirl of questions, but before he could get any of them out, Jess stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.  It took him about half a second to realize what was happening, and then his arms were around her and he was lifting her off her feet.  The kiss was warm, hard, everything he remembered from their kisses so long ago. It was as if after the longest journey ever, he had finally made his way back home.

**Dean**

Dean read over the poem, riddle, whatever the hell the thing was once more and then picked up his phone and quickly selected a name on his recent contacts.  “You chose the wrong Winchester, Sam is much better at this kind of crap than I am.”

The phone rang a few times, and then Sam’s voice mail message came on.  “You know what to do.”

“Damn it. “  Dean angrily ended the call and immediately redialed Sam again.  “Pick up the freaking phone.”

Cas could see the anger beginning to radiate off Dean.  “It’s 5 am. Dean, maybe he’s asleep.”

“No, it’s not that. He’s barely been sleeping lately.  Of course he won’t tell me why, he won’t tell me anything.  Hell, I consider it an honor when he says two words to me.”  Dean hung up the phone again when Sam’s voice mail message clicked on for the third time.  “We’re not brothers you know; we’re business partners or whatever.”

“You know he didn’t mean that,” Cas told Dean in the calmest reasonable voice he could conjure up.  “He’s hurt, he’s angry but he’s your brother and he loves you and looks up to you.  Nothing that happens will ever change that.”

“He has a funny way of showing it,” Dean slumped in the chair.  “Look, I know a lot of this is my fault.  I know I can’t make it right, I can’t turn back time and even if I could – heaven help me, I wouldn’t – I couldn’t – change what I did.  He’s still here.  He’s still alive and he’s well and he’s whole.  I can’t see that as bad thing, I just can’t.”

Cas pulled his office chair around the desk and next to Dean.  “You guys will get past this.  He will find a way to forgive you, and you will find a way to forgive yourself.  This is just temporary Dean, just another one of those chapters in the Winchester Chronicles that are rocky and sad but like all chapters this one too will end.”

“I don’t know.  I don’t know if Sam can get past this.  This might be where the book ends.”

Cas put his hand on Dean’s shoulder.  “You do know, right, that no matter what happens with Sam you will never be alone.  I will always need you.”

Dean forced himself to roll his eyes and give Cas a gentle shove.  “Okay enough with the Lifetime movie sap. Let’s solve your little riddle.”

**Sam**

The noise in the Veil had been a dull hum when Sam had first entered, but it was steadily getting louder.  The number of people – souls – whatever they were—also increased.  Sam was forced to break off the kiss with Jess when someone shoved him in the back on his way to somewhere else.

Sam instinctively kept his arms around Jess, in full protection mode.  “How do you deal with all of this?””

“Believe it or not, you get used to it.  I mean, given time you can pretty much get used to anything.”  Jessica grabbed Sam’s hand.  “But there is a way we can be alone.”

Sam hadn’t been able to see the barrier between him and the room – the Veil and the real world – since he had been pulled in, but Jessica obviously could.  She dragged him a few feet and started yanking on something.  She pulled in a circular motion until she had turned a full circle.  Then she sat down and jerked on Sam’s arm indicating he should sit as well.

Sam realized that they were totally blocked from the rest of the figures.  The noise level was greatly decreased in here also.

“Privacy.” Jess told him with a smile.  “I can’t tell how many hours I’ve sat here waiting for you to come into your room.  I used to travel around the bunker, but then I was afraid I’d be pushed somewhere else and lose sight of it and it had taken me so long to find this bunker and you so I just created my little cave and I sat here and I waited for you.”

“This is nice.”  Sam told her, pushing a lock of hair away from her face.  It was still so hard to believe that she was here, really here, his to touch and his to kiss once more.  “Tell me how you found me, I can’t believe it was accidentally.  I mean – it seems kind of infinite in here, it looks like it would be all kinds of hard to find one particular person, no matter how tall.”

“I didn’t find you, not on my own.”  Jess explained, “I don’t know when it happened; time in here works different than time out there I think, but one moment I was in Heaven…I don’t know if you know how it works, but in Heaven – everyone’s is different, I mean really vastly different.   Mine was that big park by my house where I grew up.  You remember – “

“I do.”  Sam stretched out his long legs, and drew Jess to him so that they were both facing the same direction, her head against his chest.  The same way they used to sit and watch TV all those years ago.  “It must have been nice there.”

“It was.  There were ducks to feed and when I wanted to read beneath the pecan trees, the right book would just appear.   Sometimes it would rain and I would just spread my arms and dance as the raindrops softly fell on me.  I always loved the rain.”

“I remember,” Sam said, kissing the top of her head.

“One minute I was living a day just like thousands of days before, and then I was in here.  It was that quick, no warning, no anything.  And you know, for a while it wasn’t that bad.  I had people to interact with, people who were just as confused as I was, people who told me their stories about how they lived and died and I told them mine.  I hadn’t had human contact in so long – it was as if I was starving and the words, the stories, were the food that I needed.  I was telling this lady about this boy that I had loved, about my Sam and a man stopped me and asked if I meant Sam Winchester and I said yes and he told me he could find you for me.  I thought he was crazy, I mean this is a huge vast nothingness and up until then I had been somewhere in the middle.  I hadn’t even realized yet that if I made my way to the outskirts of the Veil I could see the world of the living.”

“A man?”  Sam asked.  “The same one that you mentioned before, the man without a name?”

“Yes, him.  And of course, I never thought I’d see him again, but I did start making my way to the edges of the Veil.  It took forever, and I found it was way more crowded at the edges; everyone was looking for their loved ones or trying to find places from their youth, or even the spot where they died. I started looking for you, but of course I couldn’t find you.  I found large cities, and small towns.  I found farmers and construction sites and a day care center where I spent days just watching the kids play.  But I didn’t find you.  And then the guy comes back and takes me by the hand and we ran for what felt like days.  And he took me to this bunker and he showed me how to create this little cave and he said just watch and then he left again.  And so I sat right here, right like this and I waited and waited and didn’t move and then one day, there you were.”

“And then you decided to pull me in?”

“No, at first it was enough just to see you.  I mean, it took me a while to accept it was you.  You’ve changed Sam.”  Jess tilted her head to look at him.  “And not just because you are older, you’re a very different man than the boy I know.  It was disconcerting at first, and I thought maybe I didn’t belong here.  That you were so different from my boyfriend Sam, that there was nothing of you that was mine anymore.  Then I realized how sad you were, how sad and how lost.”  Jessica turned so that she could look in Sam’s eyes.  “I have never seen anyone so sad, not in my life or in my death.”

“I’m not sad – I’m just…”  Sam’s voice trailed off “It’s been a hard year. “

“I think it’s been hard for you for much longer than a year,” Jessica was now kneeling in front of him, kissing him once more.  “But now don’t you see, now that we found each other you never have to be sad again.”

**Dean**

“Dean – “

“Shh-“Dean held a finger up in Cas’ direction.  “I am thinking.”

Stupid poem.  It had to be something easy; Sam had said Metatron’s riddles were kindergarten stuff.  Of course kindergarten stuff for Sam was probably not the same as kindergarten stuff for most people, but still he should be able to figure it out.  The stupid angel was so full of himself though, he would think he was being clever.  What the heck was it about the stupid numbers and the –

Numbers, one follows two…

Line 1, letter 1.

“Give me a pen, hurry!”  The second the pen was in his hand, Dean began circling the first letter in the first line, the second in the second line and so on.  Cas looked over Dean’s shoulder as he did so.  “It’s S T O R Y  – that man and his stupid stories – story city.  Story City, what do you think, could that be the place?”

Cas had made his way to the computer and was doing a search.  “Story City, Iowa.  This is it, I can feel it.”  Cas was beginning to get excited.  “We could finally be on our way home.”  Cas motioned to Hannah who had been watching them from the large glass walls and told her that good news.  Soon the entire headquarters was buzzing with excited angels, preparing for the trip.

“So what’s the plan?”  Dean asked, “Open heaven’s door and all the angels go home and you get your grace back?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think my grace is going to be that easy to recapture. It was used in the spell; I have to accept that it might be gone.”  Cas looked up at an angel who was trying to get his attention.  “I’ve got to talk to him, I’ll be right back.”

Dean checked his phone, no message from Sam.  He tried Sam’s number again, but this time it didn’t ring at all, it just went straight to voicemail.  Even though he was angry, it was not like Sam to ignore Dean’s messages for this long.  For all Sam knew Dean was calling him about a case, and Sam always made himself available for cases.  Dean was starting to get a strange feeling that something wasn’t right at the bunker.  He grabbed his jacket and fished in his pocket for the keys to the Impala.

Cas came back in the room.  “Oh good, you’re ready.  We are ready too.  We figure we can be there in a few hours, if we drive fast.  I told them you were very good at driving fast.”

“Sorry Cas but no can do.  I’m going home.  Something’s up with Sam.”  Dean explained.  “Look good luck finding Heaven and all that and be sure to let me know how it turns out.”   Dean pulled on his jacket and squeezed Cas’ shoulder.  “Be careful out there okay?  You’re not full strength, let the other angels do the heavy lifting.”

“No wait.”” Cas grabbed his trench coat and stood by Dean.  “I don’t think you should go alone. I know I am not a full-blown angel but I might have enough grace to help.”

“Are you sure Cas?   I mean you’ve spent all this time looking for that damn door and now it’s within reach – so to speak.”

“The other angels can find the damn door,” Cas echoed as he turned out the light in his office.  “If Sam is in trouble, I want to help.”

Dean let out a sigh of relief and smiled at Cas. “Okay then.  Let’s get this show on the road.”

**Sam**

Sam sat and looked at the bunker and his room and his still form on his bed. His room seemed so close and yet the room had an unreal quality, like it was slowly turning into a memory.  Tentatively he reached up and touched the Veil – the invisible smooth wall between him and his old life.  Was this it then?   Was it time to finally let go?

Jess had excused herself for a minute to talk to a little old lady who had been trying to get her attention for a while now.

Jess came back in, excitement all over her face.  “It’s just the day for good news. There’s a rumor that the angels have finally found a way to get in Heaven and if they can get in then the others think we will be able to also.  We will be going home soon.”

Sam stood up, “That is good news, I’m happy for you Jess.”

A small frown flashed across Jess’ face.  “But we just found each other, I don’t want to say goodbye to you just yet.”  Jess took a hold of Sam’s hand.  “I could stay here with you.  I still have so much to tell you, and there’s so much of your life that is still a mystery to me.  You’ve lived a lifetime without me, and I want to hear about every second of it.  Heaven can wait.”

It was Sam’s time to frown.  “It’s can’t actually.  Spirits get trapped here in the Veil all the time, if you are with me and the doors close – Jessica, I’ve seen what happens to souls who get trapped.  They become evil and twisted and I won’t let that happen to you.  If the doors open, you run.  Promise me you won’t stay.”

“And here I thought this was going to be the best day of my non-life.”  Jessica smiled at him, but a tear escaped and headed down her cheek.  “Here you are – caught between living and dying.  And here I am – caught between you and Heaven.  I can’t go with you and I can’t stand being left behind – again.  I feel like I’ve made things worse for both of us and trust me that’s not what my intentions were at all.   I am so sorry I brought you here.”

“I’m not.”  Sam reached over and kissed Jessica’s tears away.  “This is the first time my heart has been whole since I said goodbye to you.”   Sam pulled Jess back into his arms.  “You know, I’ve been in Heaven before.  Long story, I’ll tell you about it another time.  But the upshot is – I know that sometime it’s possible two people can share Heaven.  Maybe there’s still a way for us to be together.”

 

Jessica looked at him, confused but hopeful. “Are you saying that when Heaven opens, you’ll go with me? “   Jess squeezed his hand but then shook her head.  “I can’t ask that of you Sam.  You’d be giving up your life for me, and that’s too much.”

“I’m not saying I will.  I am just saying ‘ “  Sam looked over at his room, somewhere deep inside him he knew that time was running out for him – and fast.  “If I am going to die anyway, then maybe neither one of us will ever have to be alone again.”

 

**Dean**

“Sam!”  Dean threw down his jacket and practically ran as he checked the kitchen, the war room, the library.   “Sam!”

Cas was searching too, Dean could hear him opening doors and yelling Sam’s name on the other side of the bunker.  He was heading to Sam’s room when he heard Cas shouting for him, apparently Cas had reached it first.

“Dean he’s in here!” 

Dean rushed into Sam’s room.  For a moment relief flooded through him as he thought that Sam was only sleeping.  But then he realized how still Sam was and how eerily quiet the room was. 

Cas was bent over Sam with his hand on Sam’s heart.

“Is he – “   Dean couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Alive, but not here.”   Cas told him as he touched Sam’s face, putting a hand on his forehead. 

“I’m sorry?”  Dean asked, as he checked Sam’s pulse for himself.  There was one, faint but there.  “Sam, hey Sammy wake up.”  Dean shook Sam’s shoulders, first gently and then less so.  Sam eyelids didn’t even flutter.   Dean looked up to see Cas watching Sam with a worried look.

“What do you mean he’s not here?  He’s right here.  He’s just asleep, and it’s a hard sleep because he hasn’t slept for days. I’ll get some water, a face full of ice water should do the trick.”   Dean stood up, knowing he sounded desperate and not caring

“It’s no use,” Cas blocked his path to the door.  “This isn’t a deep sleep, this is something more serious. His – essence I guess you would call it - is gone.  But it’s not gone far, or he’d be dead by now.”  Cas started walking around the room searching for something Dean could not see.

“OK let’s try that again, a little less metaphorically if you please.”  Dean told him as he searched the bed, looking for a hex bag or anything that could explain what was happening.  “You mean his soul is gone, like when he was soulless?”

“No, more than his soul.  Everything that makes Sam, Sam is gone.  I think he’s in the Veil   I can feel it; it’s close.”

  
“The Veil?” Dean asked, flashing to thoughts of Kevin which he quickly squashed.  He was not ready to think about Kevin.  He probably never would be. “Where ghosts go?”

“Not just ghosts, not just restless spirits.  All the souls in Heaven are stuck in there, they’ve been there since the angels fell.”  Cas looked sorrowfully at Dean. “They must be so lost, so confused.”

“I don’t understand.  Sam’s not dead, so how could he possibly be in the Veil?”  Dean asked. 

“I don’t know.”  Cas looked down at Sam’s bed stand and noticed the books.  “But I don’t think it’s an accident he’s in there.  He’s been reading about the Veil, studying it.  All these books are about ghosts, spirits, people who died and what they experienced.”

Dean picked up a few of the books, but his anxiety level was too high to focus on the words. “So you think he was looking for a way to get in.  But why?  That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I don’t know.  And until today I would have said it was impossible for someone still alive to find his way in, but somehow Sam did it.”  Cas cocked his head and held his hand up, Dean could see a shimmering around where Cas’ fingers were.  “I’m sure of it, he’s in there.”

“Okay genius, so how do we get him out?”  Dean asked, walking over to where Cas stood. Cas dropped his hand and turned to face Dean.

“I am not sure we can.  Even if I could somehow find a way in myself, there are so many souls trapped in there.  I don’t know how I would be able to find Sam in all that confusion.”

“Then get me in, and I’ll find him.”  Dean said to Cas, almost angrily.  “I am not leaving him in there, if he found a way into that damned place so can we.”

“Dean,” Cas said, putting a hand on Dean’s arm, “You have to consider the possibility that this is what he wants, that he’s where he wants to be.  And if he’s where he wants to be, I won’t drag him out Dean, not even for you.  I know this is hard for you, and I’m sorry.  But maybe it really is time to let Sam go.”

**Sam**

Sam turned away from Jess and looked back to his room.  “It’s Dean. He’s there.”

Sam watched as Dean leaned over him, shook him.  Even though the room was getting darker and mistier all the time, he could see how frantic Dean was.  Cas was in the room with him; they both looked worried. 

Jess stood by him and watched too.  “If you decide to go with me, he’ll be fine without you.  He and that angel share – I don’t know.  But it’s obvious they share something special.  I know you worry about him but you won’t be leaving him alone.”

Sam watched Cas and Dean look at the books that he had read – was it just the night before?  It seemed like minutes ago and eons ago at the same time.   Maybe they would figure it out. Maybe they would come for him.  But if they did, was it what he wanted?

Jess was no longer watching Dean and Cas; she was now watching Sam’s face.  “You haven’t really spoken to Dean in all the time I’ve been watching you.  I thought the bond between the two of you had been shattered and that was why you were so sad and so lonely.  , But looking at you now – I’m not so sure “

“It was broken.”  Sam replied thoughtfully, turning his attention away from the bunker and to her. “I honestly didn’t think there was a way to fix it, and really I didn’t want to.  I’m still not sure there’s a way.  We’ve both done so much damage to each other in the name of family, we’ve caused each other so much hurt and so much pain. Maybe it’ll be easier on Dean if I just slip away.”

  
Jess shook her head.  “Just because it’s easy doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.   You were never one to take the path of least resistance, I don’t want to be the path you choose just because it’s easier to slip away then stay and fight.”  
  
Sam’s thoughts were in whirl of emotions; what was really best?  Was he trying to hold on to something with Dean that he had lost long ago?  Was he here because he was meant to be here, because he was meant to go with Jessica?  The old lady was motioning for Jess again, this time almost bouncing up and down in her excitement.  Sam went out of the little cave with Jess to meet her.

“The door.  It’s opened.  It’s finally opened!”  The little old lady smiled at both of them.  “This means we can finally go home.”

**Dean**

“So that’s what you think I should do, just let him go?”  Dean asked.  “What if this isn’t what he wants?  What if he was taken there against his will?  If he was leaving for good, he’d find a way to tell me.  He’d leave a note, he’d send me a text.  He wouldn’t just vanish.”

 “Maybe you are right.  You do know Sam better than I do.”  Cas placed his hand back over Sam’s heart. “Whatever we do, it will have to be quick.  He’s fading.”

Dean joined him by Sam’s side. “So fix him, surely you have enough juice for that.”

“Even if I could, as long as his essence is in the Veil he would just start fading again.  And if he dies - “

“We get an angel to bring him back.”  Dean interjected with the ‘cause I said so’ tone in his voice.

“It won’t be possible.  None of us will be able to do it.  He already has a pact with Death that the next time he dies, it’s for good.  We can’t and we won’t break that pact.”  Cas’ phone began to ring. “I have to get this,” Cas told Dean as he walked over to the other side of the room, speaking to Hannah in hushed tones.

After a few minutes of quiet conversation, Cas hung up the phone and turned to Dean who was now sitting on the floor, shifting through the books Sam had left.  He didn’t know what he was looking for, he wasn’t sure if there any answers in those books, but he had to do something.

“That was Hannah.”  Cas told Dean.  “They made it into Heaven and she’s coming to take me there with her. It’s a day for miracles, maybe there is a way to get my grace back.  It’s our best shot at finding Sam.  Will you be okay if I go?’

Dean nodded, at first barely looking up and then, thinking better of it, got on his feet and faced Cas.  “I know you are relieved the angels are back in Heaven, heaven knows I am.  The further away from me those dickwads are, the safer I feel.”  Dean gave a try for a smile.  “Except for you of course.  I hope things work out for you the way that you want them to.”

“I just want to say one thing before I go.  I know you thought Sam hated you, but the fact is Sam stayed. He could have lived anywhere and still hunted with you.  But he chose to live here, in the bunker, where he saw you every day.  Because this is his home.  Because you are his family.”  Cas smiled at Dean and then gave him a hug. “And, as you boys have taught me, family is everything. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Dean watched as Cas left and started to kneel back down among the books. Instead he changed his mind and stood up.

“Okay I feel silly but –maybe there’s a chance you can hear me.”  Dean looked over at his brother, with every moment he seemed to be slipping away from him.  “I know it’s a long shot but I’ve taken leaps of faith far bigger than this one, especially where you were concerned.”  Dean turned toward where Cas had felt the Veil, to him it was nothingness but he had to believe that Sam was in there somewhere. “There’s a few things I want to tell you.”

**Sam**

“So I guess this is it.”  Jess told Sam as the other spirits began to share the happy news.   Jess held out her hand to Sam.  “If you are going with me, hold on and don’t let go.”

Sam looked at Jess and then back toward his room.  It was almost completely dark now, but he could still make out Dean, and he was standing facing him.  Cas was gone and Dean was there by himself, a lone figure in the gathering darkness.

Jess stood quietly by his side, her hand warm and soft within his. 

Already Sam could tell that the Veil was less crowded.  The spirits around them were headed north, and one by one they turned what seemed to be a corner and then disappeared from view.    In his room, Dean stood there, still and alone.  Sam had the distinct impression that Dean was about to say something, something that Sam desperately wanted to hear.

Sam looked down at Jess, for as long as he could remember, she was all he had ever wanted.  But still…

He felt torn between two worlds and he knew Jess could see that and it hurt her.  Still, Jess being Jess she hid the hurt as well as she could as she kissed Sam’s hand gently before letting it go.  “I’m going to check out Heaven’s door, make sure it’s big enough for both of us to walk in side by side.”  Jess gave Sam a quick kiss.  “This is the most important decision of your life, but I want you to know that whatever you decide it will be okay.  Whatever you decide, I’ll be okay.”

All Sam could say in return was a mumbled thanks. Sam watched as Jess walked away.  For a brief moment, Sam thought about chasing her, taking her by the hand and starting his life, well his afterlife.  But he didn’t.  Instead he turned back toward Dean.  He needed to hear what his brother had to say.   And then he would decide.

**Dean**

Dean cleared his throat.  More than once.  He thought about heading to the kitchen for a beer, but if he left the room he would lose his nerve.  After a few more coughs and more than one false start he began

“Okay, I probably should have said all this long ago, but better late than never right?  I miss you Sam.  I’ve missed you for months.  I miss the rapport we had and the way we just clicked and how well we worked together.  I miss watching crap TV with you or sharing a beer or arguing about those disgusting sandwiches you love to eat.  I can’t just be your hunting partner; it’s not in me Sam.  You’re my family, and more than that, you are what makes me, me.  And that’s not an excuse for what I did, that’s a fact.  I wish I could stand here and tell you I’ll change, I’ll be the brother than you want me to be but honestly – “Dean gave a small shrug.  “I am who I am and once upon a time that was enough for you. I can’t promise that if you are in mortal danger, I won’t rush in to save you but I will promise you this.  If I know what you want, I’ll do my damndest to respect that. The thing is – I don’t know what you want here.  If you can see me, if you can hear me, if you could just give me a sign – “Dean took a look around.  Nothing. He headed back to Sam’s bedside.  His brother was fading, he could feel it.  “You once asked me what the upside of you being alive is.  The upside is so many things, it’s the people you’ve saved in the past and will in the future, it’s the friends who need you and the ones you haven’t met yet. But most importantly, selfishly, it’s what you bring to my life.  You are the reason I keep fighting this ugly fight, you are the force that challenges me and changes me and perhaps even makes me a better man.  I’ll take you anyway I can get you – sullen, snarky, unlucky, nerdy, hell if you want to give me the silent treatment forever, I can live with that.  Just be here Sam.”  Dean took a deep breath in and blew it out.  “Okay what’s the saying?  In for a penny, in for a pound?  I might as well just let it all out there.  I don’t know what you want, so let me tell you what I want.  I want a chance to fix this.  I want a chance for us to be brothers again.  I’m willing to meet you half – hell I am willing to meet you all the way.  Just come back home Sammy from wherever you are.  Just come back and let’s fix this.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Sam**

Tears were beginning to form in his eyes, but Sam barely noticed them. He began to push against the invisible barrier, but there was no give. Using all of his strength he pushed again – nothing.  There had to be a way.  If there was a way in, there had to be a way out.  Sam was running out of time, he could feel it.  Someone in this vast nothingness had to know how to get through the Veil.  Sam tried to grab spirits as they passed by, but they avoided him.  They were intent on making it around the corner; their total focus was on getting back to Heaven.

Suddenly there was Jessica and she was smiling.  “I’m back and I brought help.”  Jess took Sam’s hand.  “You don’t have to tell me what you’ve decided, I already know.  And I am happy for you. I want to tell you a few things really quickly before you go.  I was lonely and I was lost and I needed you so I convinced myself you needed me too.  But you don’t.  You have everything you need back there.”  Jess nodded toward the bunker, which was by now almost completely dark to Sam.  “I don’t regret pulling you in, because seeing you – it’s the best thing that has happened to me since I died.  I do regret causing you pain, believe me when I tell you it was never my intent. “ Jess smiled through her tears.  “I love you Sam, and I hope you work it out with Dean, I really do, because the truth is – he loves you and he needs you just as much as you need him.  So this is goodbye for now, but I’ll never give up hope that we will see each other again. I’ve gotten one miracle and I’m selfish enough to wish for two.”

Sam took Jess in his arms for one last time and gave her a kiss goodbye. “You always were too good for me. I love you and I will find you again someday, I swear it.”

From behind them a voice said. “I hate to break up this touching little scene, but time is running out kiddo and we need to get you home.”

**Dean**

Panic was beginning to set in.  Sam was barely breathing now and his pulse was erratic and weak.  He was losing Sam

This is what he wants, Dean tried to tell himself.  Maybe this is what he wants; maybe this is what was meant to be.    Maybe the best thing he could do for Sam was take his brother’s hand and be with him as he slipped away.

To hell with that.

“Cas!”  Dean yelled, throwing his voice up to the ceiling, hoping Cas had made it to heaven and had his ears on.  It was his only hope “Cas dammit, I need you!”

**Sam**

Gabriel smiled at Sam.  “Hey sunshine long time, no see.”

Sam looked back at Gabriel in astonishment. “I thought you were--“

“I am happy to report that rumors of my demise were – yeah never mind.  No time for small talk, you’re time is just about up my friend.”  Gabriel touched the Veil’s wall and it came down, the way to the bedroom was now clear. Sam could tell Dean saw them from the other side.  “This is it Sam, in or out.”

Sam took one last look at Jessica who nodded, tears in her eyes.  “Out”.

In the next second Gabriel was behind him and Sam felt a push, one so hard it knocked the breath out of his body.  And then he was back on his bed, covered in sweat like he had run a marathon, gasping for air.  Just before he passed out again, he felt Dean grab his hand.

**Sam and Dean**

A few hours later, Sam and Dean finally found themselves alone.  Cas had arrived about the same time Sam made it back and was able to revive Sam (apparently spirits leaving and returning into their body took a great toll).  He had been brought by Hannah, he hadn’t been able to solve his grace problem and apparently there was still trouble in paradise even with Heaven’s door being open to them again, so after hearing Sam’s story he had left again with Hannah promising to check in with the brothers later.

After he was gone, there was an awkward silence as both brothers did a lot of looking in other directions and taking sips of beer.  Finally Dean spoke.  “Okay, I guess if I went through this once when you were gone I can be man enough to say it to your face – “

Sam held a hand up.  “I heard you Dean; I won’t make you go through that again.  I know how hard that was for you the first time.  So, it’s my turn.”  Sam pulled his chair closer to Dean.  “I’ve missed you too.  I held on to the anger so long, I just couldn’t figure out how to let it go.  And it caused me not to be the brother to you I should have been.  I need you to know that I understand why you did what you did.  I still don’t like it- but I’m not going to let what happened back in that hospital define our whole relationship. Also, while we are clearing the air.”  Sam took another long gulp of the beer for a shot of liquid courage.  “I lied to you, when I told you I would let you die.  You are and will always be my big brother, the only true family I have left.  And when I thought we were going to be apart forever and that last you would remember of me were snarky words and my cold attitude, it just about killed me.  I want to fix this too; I want to be the brothers I know we can be.  I am not saying we don’t work on our issues, because ignoring them just ends up biting us in the ass.  But I’d love to work them out together. “

Dean’s phone gave a ping and he quickly read the text.  “Message from another hunter, there’s a possible wendigo in Yosemite”. 

Sam finished his beer and stood up.  “Let’s go.”

Dean shook his head and sent a text back.  “There are other hunters that can take care of the wendigo.  This here – us – fixing this – is more important.  I say we take the week off, and we work through this before another apocalypse heads our way and our relationship gets derailed again. “

“I’m with you there.”  Sam said, as he sat back down.  For a few seconds there was silence, but for the first time in too long the silence was comfortable, warm.  Finally Sam asked.  “So big brother, what’s the first step?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”  Dean said flashing Sam his must mischievous grin.  Sam couldn’t help but grin back.  “So I just happened to buy this a few months ago, but there seemed never to be good time to drag it out.”  Dean reached inside of his backpack on the floor and pulled out a DVD set.  “Behold, Game of Thrones, season 2.”

He was rewarded by seeing Sam’s eyes light up.  “Seriously?  This is great.  You get the popcorn; I’ll just pop this in.”

“No way that’s happening,” Dean informed his brother. “I know you.  You will start watching it without me; I am holding this hostage until we hit play together.”

Sam’s grin got bigger.  “If anyone is going to hold the DVD set hostage, it’s going to be me. All I have to do is hold it over your head, and you’ll never be able to reach it.”

They had entered the hallway by this time, and Dean turned on the light and faced Sam.  “First of all, bite me.  Second of all, I’d like to see you take it from me, because baby brother there ain’t no way that could happen.”

“Whatever – “

Their voices continued down the hallway into the kitchen, teasing and playful.  From near where they had sat and drank their beers, Gabriel popped back in, a big smile on his face.

And then he was gone.

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Piercing the Veil**


End file.
